of having no confidence in myself. Right now, I have these thoughts in the back of my head that say that I rely on my friends too much; because I dump so much on them, they can't trust me to be there for them if they need the same. And that really hurts. I like being there for people.
Today I got to hang out with two of my best friends. And they're great people, they've been there for me through some really rough times recently. But I felt like a third wheel for most of the night, and that when they remembered me, it was because they just wanted to make sure that I knew that they knew I was still there, and not completely because they wanted me to be there or actually laugh and cuddle with me.
It was really fun for me to watch them interact though, because they're such cool people. I guess I'm just jealous of the camraderie that they have, and I want to find it for myself. I want to make people smile. I don't want to make people's days bad, and I feel like that's all I do. Ooh, look, ominous cloud.
I know a lot of this post is me being irrational, and feeling lonely, and knowing that I'm not like everyone else in how I interact with others. I just don't know how to fix it.
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