I hate bad days with an absolute passion. Especially when my bad day seems to be affecting everyone else, and they're all having bad days too. :P
Those two crazy tenors of mine are seeming very distant today and it's kinda bothering me. I can't figure out if I'm being clingy, or they just don't care about me today. I hate being so emotionally connected sometimes.
I had a migraine this morning, and skipped my two morning classes. Turns out we had a quiz that I missed entirely in our theory class. I'm such a bad student. How can I ever be a teacher like this when I skip class because of a headache?
Chorale went ok. I stood next to Kenny, but I've been feeling lightheaded and dizzy all day. Chamber was ok, but tenors gave me half-hearted hugs. On a good note, we got out almost 20 minutes early. Christy and I go to hang out, and wind up skipping astronomy because I'm not feeling up to par. We were lying in her car, seats back while talking. She was talking about her wedding, and I was texting Kaela.
And then I started to think about how alone I kinda felt right now. Those tenors are my closest friends, or at least, I want them to be. Kaela's having a bad day, Liz and I are sitting here listening to music, Ryan is somewhere, Devin is stressing, etc. One of my friends from high school just got engaged, and it freaked me out really badly, because, hello, still alone, never been kissed, meh. And she's getting married! I'm only 20, surely we have time! But then I feel like I'm abnormal, that I've only had one boyfriend. I wonder if I'm attractive. I mean, I know I walk weird and all that jazz.
I just want to loved so badly. And I know I shouldn't look for love here, God can love me for everything I need, but, I want more. Boo.
This headache doesn't seem to be leaving, my friends minus two seem like I've done something wrong, and I have a 3 hour rehearsal tonight. I just want a good day. I want a weekend to take a break from this day.
I'm sorry you had a bad day. You will be a great teacher. I mean if a teacher doesn't understand having bad days. Then they're not human. You'll be awesome. People will love you. I mean if a teacher is as passionate about their subject as you are about your music, the students will respond. I mean it wont be a cake walk, but you can take it.
ReplyDeleteAs for your friend getting married and stuff. You're a very special individual, If someone is going to disregard you because of how you walk, then they're NOT worth the smooshed goodies that you've collected on the bottom of your shoes. You'll find someone amazing who will love you for you, you'll get your first kiss, it isn't unheard of. My Gymnastics coach didn't have her first kiss until she met the man she ended up marrying. It hurts, (believe me, I KNOW the pain of being alone like that) but all you can do is just keep moving forward and work through the pain. And when you find the person you're going to be with for the rest of your life then all the pain you endured will seem worth it.